Julie Garrick of Denver lived with my elderly parents and habitually left thousands of crumbs on the kitchen floor. Dakota Garrick
Julie and my brother Lance moved into my parents’ spacious home when they came in from Las Vegas for a new job in the Denver Metro area.
My parents, 89 and 93 at the time, were exceedingly generous to offer their home – even though Lance and Julie had three kids, 12, 3 and 2. My parents believed that Lance and Julie would be moved out within six months into a new home.
I guess my parents’ generosity clouded their reasoning – but that was never any excuse for my sister-in-law to leave daily messes in the kitchen. Dakota Garrick, Highlands Ranch
Tons of Crumbs Under the Table – Always
Prior to the move-in, my mother kept a spic-and-span kitchen. After Julie and Lance moved in, there were always what appeared to be at least a thousand crumbs beneath the nook table spread everywhere.
The door to the garage was also the door to the laundry room, which then opened on its other side to the kitchen nook.
My father’s car parked facing the garage/laundry room door. When the car was turned off, the headlights stayed on for a few minutes.
When the garage/laundry room door was opened, the headlights shined through, making their way into the kitchen nook, illuminating the floor under the table. Every single crumb was visible. This disgusted my mother.
Three times a day, they and their kids ate at that table. It was a no-brainer where the crumbs were coming from.
My sister-in-law refused to mop or sponge up the floor. I was at the house OFTEN because I was always looking out for my aged parents. Dakota Garrick of Highlands Ranch
Nearly every single time that I was there, over a 15-month period, the kitchen floor was laden with crumbs.
Again, I was at my parents house A LOT. This included sleeping over so that early morning driving my parents to doctor appointments was more convenient for me. There were also many times I stayed there for several days straight when my mother or father had an ailment such as diverticulitis.
As a result, I became keenly knowledgeable of my sister-in-law’s meal routines for her family.
Plenty of Time!
She had all the opportunity in the world to clean up the crumbs after every meal – a mere five-minute job – but instead, would just sit at the table talking to her kids (after Lance left for work in the morning), or just sitting there after lunch (when Lance was still at work) or dinner (with Lance present).
- I’ve cleaned crumbs under a table.
- This is a FIVE MINUTE JOB with a wet sponge.
Sister-in-law Dearest could have performed this FIVE MINUTE task after every meal, while her kids were still licking their chops.
She also could have done it while the toddler was in the playpen and the preschooler was in the living room playing with a toy — where, after a meal, they often were ANYWAYS!
The two younger kids napped every single day. This was even MORE opportunity that Sister-in-law Dearest could have broken away from her TV or computer to clean the mess – instead of making up excuses that she had to watch the kids!
What was she doing while they were napping?
- Julie Garrick did not work outside the home.
- Julie Garrick did not have a home-based business, either.
- SHE…HAD…THE…TIME.
I’ll tell you what she was doing AFTER the kids finished their meal: Sitting there talking or using her phone.
If this were HER house, she’d have every right in the world to leave the crumbs and make excuses to herself.
But this was her very elderly in-laws house!!!
Out of respect to my gracious parents, she should have simply made a habit of performing a FIVE MINUTE task so that her 89-year-old and 93-year-old in-laws wouldn’t be subjected to tons of crumbs while THEY used that table. Disgusting.
No matter how busy a mom of three is, no matter how exhausted she feels, there just is NO excuse for leaving those crumbs to accumulate – thousands of them — in a house that wasn’t theirs.
The only time they got mopped up was when my parents’ ONCE-WEEKLY housekeeper came over. Then the crumbs would return and accumulate another whole week. That is a LOT. Gross.
That slob had plenty of time to take five minutes after every meal to get on her hands and knees. She was flexible, fit and took Pilates classes. The cleanup job three times/day would have been very easy on her body!
And again, she had time. She also could have cut the post-meal chatter and phone use short by five minutes if you want to get really nit-picky about this.
She could have cleaned the mess while the toddler was in the playpen and preschooler playing with his toys!
In short, there was NO logistical obstacle to this woman adding a five-minute crumb-cleaning task onto her other post-meal tasks such as clearing the table, loading the dishwasher and putting away the milk, butter and leftovers.
Could this have been any simpler?
Why didn’t my mother speak up to Daughter-in-law Dearest?
Because at 89, she was tired and frail, and no longer had the feistiness she’d had 10 years prior.
It’s also possible that Julie (and/or Lance) made her feel too intimidated to speak up – which is actually a plausible theory because my mother had always been very outspoken. Now suddenly she was submissive. Hmmm…
Why I Myself Didn’t Speak Up
Because when I told my mother, “I’ll speak to Julie,” my mother got very upset and begged me not to. I then thought that if I ignored this directive, it would REALLY aggravate my mother and possibly (and you never want to take a chance) cause a heart attack.
She had advanced heart failure, often complained of shortness of breath, used oxygen at night — and hence was in no condition for emotional combat. As a result, I kept my mouth shut.
Only after she passed 15 months after Lance and Julie moved in did I have an epiphany:
Those 15 months of totally disrespectful behavior from both Julie and Lance were a nightmare to my mother, causing her ongoing distress and feelings of hopelessness (because they showed NO signs of concerted attempts to move out, and eventually, they quit house-hunting!!!) — accelerating her heart condition, shortening her life by possibly one or two years.
I’d been in denial over how bad those 15 months actually were, because at the time, I guess I just wasn’t able to believe that my brother and sister-in-law could be so selfish and disgraceful, having zero regard for my very elderly parents’ comfort — the very people who had been willing to share their home for only $300/month rent.
Denial is a coping mechanism; I had convinced myself that the problem was no more than annoying — when in reality, it was a nightmare, going WAY BEYOND THE CRUMB ISSUE.
My fog of denial was lifted after my mother passed.
Even if you argue she would have died on that same date no matter what, it sickens my stomach to know that the last 15 months of her life – what should have been peace, quiet and glory with her husband of over 65 years – was 15 months of hell.
No matter how you slice it, there just was NO excuse whatsoever for Julie to allow those crumbs to accumulate. Dakota Garrick
My sister-in-law was very fit, and had multiple time periods throughout the day to clean the crumbs. Dakota Garrick in Highlands Ranch
She had time to watch the Duggars on TV, attend the 2-year-old’s gymnastics and ice-skating lessons (yes, you read that right) and spend a lot of time on her computer.
Again, I was there often enough to know all of this! Just outright despicable.
Links to Julie Garrick’s Additional Atrocious Deeds
Overall crappy treatment of my parents shortened their lifespan
Left other disgusting messes in the kitchen; gave outrageous excuses for not cleaning them up
Uses up elderly mother-in-law’s good silverware, telling her use the plastic kiddie utensils
Let the children ruin mother-in-law’s good furniture
Let toddlers frequently scream and shriek in elderly in-laws living quarters
Dakota Garrick of Denver, Highlands Ranch