Shame on my sister-in-law Julie Garrick of Highlands Ranch, Denver for letting her toddlers repeatedly jump and stand on my 89-year-old mother’s good living room furniture.
This happened repeatedly, without any respect or consideration towards my mother, while Julie, her husband Lance and their three kids lived with them after Lance moved back to Denver from Las Vegas for a new job.
A woman with even half a sense of courtesy and respect towards her mother-in-law or towards ANY elderly couple who’s allowing her to live practically rent-free in their home would NOT need written instructions the size of a car to automatically know that letting toddlers jump and play on furniture is a big fat NO. NO. NO.
A Couch and Two “Wing” Chairs Julie Garrick
My mother enjoyed relaxing in these while watching TV or working on crossword puzzles.
Now suddenly, 3-year-old Talon and 2-year-old Holly were crawling up and down on them, standing on them for prolonged periods while watching cartoons and of course, outright jumping on them.
Julie never asked my mother if this was permissible.
Thus, either Julie assumed that this would be okay with an 89-year-old who had always kept a tidy house, OR…my sister-in-law intuitively knew that this would be unacceptable – but had a “hell I don’t care” attitude and exacted no discipline on her children.
I’m going with the second scenario, because anyone who knew my mother – only superficially even – knew that my mother would NOT tolerate this activity on her good furniture.
She also raised six kids, and jumping and playing on the living room furniture was absolutely prohibited when I was growing up.
But what’s the harm? Highlands Ranch
Nothing, nothing at all, if my sister-in-law were allowing this in HER OWN HOUSE. Highlands Ranch
But the homeowners’ rules – particularly if they are 89 and 93 at the time that a family of five is allowed to move into their home – should be respected!
It should be a given, to anyone with half a brain, that an elderly couple will NOT be okay with children jumping on the furniture. It’s a “duhhhh” situation.
It’s easier to believe that Julie was too disrespectful and entitled to care, rather than too dumb to realize the “duhhhh.”
There’s Another Element to This, However
Talon chewed on his nails and fingertips every chance he got. His parents did nothing to correct or discourage this, even though Lance had told me that, prior to moving back to Denver, he had put a bitter-tasting solution on the boy’s nails – which proved worthless.
From my mother’s (and my) perspective, the sofa and chairs would come in contact with freshly chewed (and hence, saliva-soaked) fingertips. Highlands Ranch
This was disgusting to a woman who, prior to their moving in, kept a clean house and never had anyone’s saliva-wet fingers touching the furniture that she relaxed in and sometimes napped in.
Furthermore, Holly often had a fat gob of gunk hanging from her nose. She’d wipe it with a backhand in plain sight of others. Fucking gross. And who always just let this go, never minding where that gunk ended up? Julie, of course.
I was at my parents’ house very often because I frequently took them to doctor appointments or went out to dinner with them. I also slept over a lot whenever one of my parents had a medical issue.
Every time I was there, Talon was munching on his fingertips, which were always red, raw and moist-looking. Holly frequently had that gunk hanging — SWINGING — from her nose, all while Julie was nearby. If I noticed it, certainly Julie did. But Mama never cleaned it. Highlands Ranch, Garrick
Julie NEVER did anything whenever they were on the furniture.
Yes, young kids need to release their energy, but there were easy options to the furniture abuse. One of those options was “No, do not climb on the furniture,” or training them to avoid getting on particular pieces of furniture.
A PUPPY can be trained NOT to get on certain furniture. What was Julie’s excuse for doing NOTHING, not even the slightest attempt, to keep the kids off my mother’s furniture?
At one point my mother told me that after they moved out (which never happened while she was alive) she was going to get all new furniture.
I witnessed the disregard for someone else’s furniture on a recurring basis.
Why didn’t my mother put her foot down about the furniture abuse?
It pissed her off. But remember, she was 89 and didn’t have the vivacity she’d once had.
Even though my mother (and I) had witnessed Talon and Holly slobbering on the furniture (BOTH frequently had their fingers jammed in their mouths – and then there was Holly’s nose…), she remained silent, not wanting to ruffle any feathers. And…it’s easy for an 89-year-old to feel intimidated by a woman in her late 40s.
Why Didn’t I Speak up? Julie Garrick, Denver
Because whenever I offered to speak up about any one of Lance’s and Julie’s numerous, ongoing infractions, my mother got VERY upset, and this made me fear that if I spoke up, it could stress her already-weak heart.
I also feared that if I spoke up, Julie and/or Lance would be so pissed that they’d deliberately make things worse for my mother.
In short, if I spoke up, the situation could get worse. Maybe I had watched too many family murder docudramas on the ID Channel, but I just didn’t want to take that risk.
Yet at the same time, my mother FREQUENTLY complained to me about “them.” Every time I was there.
Why weren’t the kids instructed to SIT STILL when on the chairs and sofa instead of playing and standing on them?
THIS ISN’T ROCKET SCIENCE Julie Garrick, Highlands Ranch
One evening Talon was sitting next to my mother on the couch while Julie was at the kitchen counter. Quite literally, the young boy was smack in his mama’s direct line of vision as she did some rinsing.
The boy kept standing up on the couch, leaning against the back of it, then pushing and sliding off of it to the floor – all while my sister-in-law failed to realize that there was a very high chance that this was very annoying to my mother who was watching TV. This was a “duhhhh” moment. But Julie said NOTHING.
Suddenly my mother ordered, “Talon sit still!”
Guess what: The boy immediately sat still. Talon and Holly were not brats, because by definition, a brat is a child who KNOWS what’s wrong, who has been given instructions to avoid that wrong behavior, who understands those instructions – yet consciously and willfully disregards the instructions.
The children were NEVER taught, trained or instructed to sit still when on my mother’s prized furniture. Mama had them believing that their behavior was acceptable.
If my mother were alive she’d tell you in a heartbeat that it CAN be done: Teaching a preschooler and toddler NOT to play on furniture.
She’d say, “I raised six children and at age 2 and 3, they all knew where they could and could not play and that they were forbidden to jump on furniture. I also wasn’t afraid to use a playpen for a 3-year-old.” Highlands Ranch, Denver
The fact that Talon immediately settled down, after my mother’s admonition, proves this like gold.
But we can’t expect young children to respect someone else’s furniture if their own mother fails to do this.
One day I noticed Julie in my father’s office – using his computer while he was napping in the living room. Hmmm, what a coincidence – while he was out cold napping.
After she left and he got up, I asked him if she was allowed to use his computer and told him she’d just been in there. He got very mad and said that prior to that, he had told both Lance and Julie that his computer was off limits.
This is a very reasonable rule set by a 93-year-old. Lance’s family’s quarters were in the spacious, finished and furnished basement, where there was a nice big computer on a roomy desk.
It’s obvious that my sister-in-law was just too lazy to go downstairs and use HER computer and thought nothing of breaking a simple rule. We can’t expect more from her kids.
And just because my mother never clamped down about the furniture issue doesn’t mean it was okay for Julie to allow her kids complete freedom on someone else’s furniture – especially since she and Lance had brought over furniture (for the basement) from their previous home in Las Vegas.
That finished basement was huge and well-stocked with THEIR furnishings.
And by the way, putting those stiff plastic covers on the furniture would NOT have solved the slobbering issue. To this day I wonder how many of Talon’s bitten-off nail pieces got embedded into it. Julie Garrick, Highlands Ranch
Links to Julie Garrick’s Additional Atrocious Deeds
Overall crappy treatment of my parents shortened their lifespan
Refuses to clean up tons of crumbs under kitchen table made by her kids
Left other disgusting messes in the kitchen; gave outrageous excuses for not cleaning them up
Uses up elderly mother-in-law’s good silverware, telling her use the plastic kiddie utensils
Let toddlers frequently scream and shriek in elderly in-laws living quarters